My last blog entry left off at 34 weeks pregnant and with mixed feelings about whether or not I was ready to be a mom. Obviously I was so excited to meet our baby boy/girl, but I wasn’t sure I would be a good mom. I started to have anxiety about the health of our new arrival and felt scared to bring him into this world outside of utero, where I would not longer be his sole protector. The pregnancy continued and Matt reminded me that no matter what life hands us, we can do it together, we can be great parents and love our little one unconditionally.
The last four weeks baby Walsh continued to kick, throw elbows and hiccup. I learned to actually enjoy the movements. One morning, I woke up to what felt like rhythmic breathing. I woke Matt up and asked him if he could feel it, with great excitement he goggled what it could possibly be, we found a number of articles discussing this rhythmic movement and they stated this was most likely the baby practice breathing, what a miracle.
Pregnancy continued week after week, we walked day after day and Matt and I had nightly talks about all of our excitement along with all of our fears. Saturday before our little ones arrival we walked at 5K at Gallo and Sunday took a three mile walk over to Gramma and Grandpa’s for a quick visit. Sunday night we enjoyed a glass or red wine and some relaxation station.
Around midnight on Sunday , September 16th,, I woke up to what felt like a contraction. The contractions continued over the next few hours and every time my eyes would shut I would be awaken by another contraction. Around 5 a.m. I decided I needed to walk them out. I didn’t really believe this was labor, but knowing I had my 40-week appointment at 10 a.m. I chose to walk them out until then. Upon arriving at the doctor’s office, I was informed I was 100% effaced and 2cm dilated and had a long way to go. We climbed back in the car as tears filled my eyes and I said , “I can’t labor like this for a week, this has to be the real thing.” I had so much doubt. After arriving back at the house I continued to have contractions that were between seven and 10 minutes apart. The contractions grew more intense and I started to doubt that I could have a natural drug free birth. I begged myself for forgiveness, begged Matt for forgiveness and that is when Matt said, “we are going to the hospital.” We arrived at the hospital around 2:30 p.m. My contractions were now 4 minutes apart and I had the joy of experiencing three in the car ride, two in the waiting room, one in the admitting room, one in the hallway while waiting for labor and delivery room ,before I finally got to lay myself to rest on a bed. We handed the nurse our birth plan and with a deep sigh she said, “I will not put this in your file, if I do, nothing will go as planned.” She checked me for dilation and informed me that I was now 6cm and progressing. With that being said, I looked up at Matt and said, I can do this, I will do this without drugs just like we planned for our little baby. Around 5:30 Nurse Dena informed me that I was 9+ cm and that my water was still intact. She decided that if my water broke I may progress faster, with that she broke my water and one contraction later I was dilated to 10cm and ready to push. Dr. Yip arrived and, my mom continued to capture all of the excitement in the room, Matt held me tight and Dr. Yip put my sister to work. After 25 minutes of pushing a little boy was placed upon my chest, our little boy, our Lucas Lee.
Lucas Lee arrived at 6:12 pm on Monday, September 17th, 2012. He weighed 8 pounds, 10 ounces and measured 20 inches long. He was beautiful, he was perfect! I sat there with Lucas on my chest in complete shock, I thought we were having a little girl. I continued shouting, “It’s a boy, he’s beautiful, it’s a boy, and he’s beautiful.” Daddy held us both tight as we took in all there was to take in.
Our birth plan went exactly as planned and our little miracle was healthy as can be.
I am writing this two weeks post partum. I still have a number of aches and pains that take over my body. I have had a number of post partum cry sessions. I cried because I felt like I no longer have complete control over caring for Lucas and protecting him, he is now at the mercy of others. I have cried over the post partum aches and pains, heck, I walked three miles the day he arrived, why can’t I do that now? On a positive note, I have already lost 23 of my 30 pregnancy pounds. My body is definitely not the same, but nothing that I can’t accept. Our nights are very sleepless because Lucas is a ”milk junky”. Otherwise he sleeps, eats and poops. He cries for food and doesn’t make a peep otherwise. We are so in love with our little man. He is truly a blessing and a miracle.
